u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
