This girl is more easily done than said...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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