i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize