You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
