I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
