I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
