dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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