Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
