he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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