she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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