we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
