Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
