are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have feelings that need drinking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
