R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
