I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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