captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
