are you so shy because you have an std?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Enjoy the penises
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
