She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
