Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
