Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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