Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize