my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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