So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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