Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
