3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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