I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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