Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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