i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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