Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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