I'm really into asian looking animals
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
