Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize