hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
