When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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