just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
