i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
