all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
