Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
