How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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