just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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