If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
