Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
