I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
