But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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