is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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