I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize