dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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