hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
