i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
