I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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