oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
