No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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