True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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