You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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