At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
