my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
