Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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