I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
