The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize