Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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