Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize