he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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