my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
