Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
