also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
