There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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